This hospital stay

Well, I am home and doing MUCH better!  I can breathe and I can talk and sound like myself!  This time I was in the hospital for about 8 days (that's as many days as I was on the vent the first time I was in the hospital).  This time I started in the Cumberland ER, was taken by ambulance to Sacred Heart in Eau Claire (in CCU then medical floor), then taken to St. Mary's Mayo Hospital in Rochester, MN by ambulance.  When I was in Sacred Heart, the Pulmonologist said I needed to go somewhere larger either UW-Madison, Rochester, or the U of M.  He said SOMETHING was wrong and they couldn't figure it out.  He had no one in clinic that day so he said he would be on the phone all day if he had to get me somewhere to figure out what was going on.  So, I said I wanted to go to Rochester, and he made it happen.  I rode in an ambulance with a driver, 2 paramedics and a Respiratory Therapist.  I was still on bipap, so when I got there I had to go to the emergency room.  We had been told that I would be going to the regular medical floor, but I was having a hard time breathing and they have a rule that no one on bipap goes to the regular medical floor.  When I arrived, they brought me straight into a code room.  I was concerned that my family wouldn't know where I was since I hadn't been brought to the room we were told.  The only thing one of the doctors kept telling me was that she was doing everything in her power not to "tube" me.  I kept asking about my family and they kept telling me I had to worry about my health.  Later I found out that a social worker met my family and told them I had been brought to the emergency room and I would be transferred to the ICU.  I tell ya, as soon as she said the word "tube" I thought are your freaking kidding me?  Here we go again!  But, I was able to just stay on bipap.  I honestly don't remember much from the first night, I don't even remember my family coming into the room.  I just remember all the doctors.  Being in an ICU there, doctors are everywhere.  Each day on rounds at one point about 10 to 15 would literally fill my room.  But they were able to figure some things out, thank goodness!  They did scopes, and a bronchoscopy again.  I have paradoxical vocal cord dysfunction, they were able to remove a small polup and scrape scar tissue and some "junk" out of my throat, and believe I have some sort of autoimmune disease.  This is believed because anytime I am taken off the steroids I  have these "attacks, or symptoms" when I am on the steroids I am fine.  They don't know which one as there are over 200.  Sometimes they don't even exactly find out which one a person has.  They may do more testing and find out, and they may just say she responds to this treatment, lets keep her on the small dose of steroids.  I do go back to Rochester on the 12th of this month for a follow-up, so I will find out more then.  But, now that I am back on them I feel great!  I started back to cardiac rehab today.  Tomorrow morning, I take my lift test to return to work part-time and we will see how it goes from there!  All I know is I don't care what needs to be done, I just want to keep getting better.
I am a mom, I have felt so incredibly guilty and bad for my boys.  Dom has spent more time in hospitals than not.  Which, we did give him the option, but he has been incredibly worried about me, and frankly I don't blame him.  But, I haven't been able to take them to activities, haven't been able to take them for walks, bike rides, etc.  Us parents know, it's just a crappy feeling.  And, yes I know my health and me being here is more important than going to a "hockey game", but I still feel bad.  I love my boys and my family and I can't WAIT to back to my old self again!  Yes, EVEN going back to work!  I am down about 10lbs since the day before I went into the hospital so, that is a positive also!  I hope I continue to have good news to post!